Motionless.

Some people swore that the house was haunted. No one really knows what goes on inside. Truth is, I live behind those doors. Those ghosts everyone thinks haunts that house, are the tears I hear every night. Not only from myself but those of my sister as well. “Jessica,” she yells followed by tears and screaming. She yells for me every night, just as I yell for her. We yell, scream, and cry but that doesn’t change what happened to us. I don’t understand why my mother does what she does or if we even deserve it. Because of her actions, we feel trapped, lost, and lonely. The only person who help us, is each other. We thought maybe family could save us from her bad habits. But it’s because of her, we have no other family.

Her drug habits lead to her violence. The violence is what scares us. We never know what to say or to do. When we cry, she gets louder. When we scream, she hits harder. And when we fight back, we might as well be dead.We want to run, run as far as we possibly could. But we can’t, we can’t leave her here by herself. What if one day they find her face down in the dirt? I would feel guilty, I think. But does it make just as bad, if I felt no guilt at all? This woman gave birth to not only me but my sister as well. So shouldn't I feel guilty? I think I should, but how can you feel bad for someone who puts bruises on you. Not only bruises, but scars, and burns. Do you know how hard it is to hide stuff like that? People at school call us fake, because of the color make-up we use to hide what she does. The rest we cover with clothes, or just anything we can find. We know we aren’t fake. It’s just to hard to prove something to someone, without telling the truth. The truth is too scary. So scary, there is no way people will believe us. They will think we just want attention.
Attention is the last thing we need. My sister always is trying to get attention from guys. But as soon as they get too close, she leaves them. Attention scares me. This guy Jacob in my 1st period, gives me too much attention. I don’t want to be mean and tell him we can’t even be friends. I don’t know if it will change what he thinks of me. But then again I don't know if I really care what he thinks of me. All I truly care about is stirring his attention else where. No one knows anything about me. All they know is I have a sister, I look like a freak, and that time to time my sister and I disappear for weeks on in. Honestly, I don't think I could ever let anyone in the way my sister does. I'd be too afraid to fall, fall in love, in like or any other possible ways to fall. Besides I don't think I am even capable of giving anyone my feelings besides my sister, her feelings are the only ones I really care about. I need to protect her, I think that's the only reason why I have survived what I have. It's a miracle actually. I almost feel like a super human, even though I am far form it.

Here she comes now. "Jasmine!" I screamed like she could here me. All she ever does is hang out by that stupid tree. Sometimes I feel like her mother waiting for her after school so we can walk home together. "Let's go!" We have to be home before she gets there. Our mother doesn't like us attending school, she's worried about people getting involved in our situation. We always try to beat her home, because if we don't that just pisses her off.   Here she comes around the corner, you can here her car from a mile away; good thing we made it home already.

Stumbling in, like always. You can smell it on her breath, she's been on a binge for a few days now. Not surprising, she leaves us for at least 2-4 days at a time. Only God knows where she goes when she disappears. She headed straight to her room, to pass out most likely. "Jasmine, what do you want to eat?" "Umm," she continues to sit there thinking as if I'm some 5 star chief. "How about soup?" "Okay, that sounds good." she replies as if she had any other choice. Her foot steps come heavy, like bricks. "Jasmine, go outside to the back." "Jessica!" she yells, she's mad again but for what reason this time? "Turn that shit off!" "We need to eat, we're hungry." "I said turn that shit off!" She enters the kitchen quickly, grabs the pan, and lets it hit the floor. "Next time I say to do something you better do it!" "Just go back to bed." "What did you say?" "Nothing, go to sleep I'll make something else." It all happened so quickly I'm sure if I really reacted, she grabbed the hot pan off the floor. "STOP! MOM!" Jasmine, comes in screaming and crying after she hit me with it twice already. My mom stopped and walked away like it was nothing. We knew she was wired just didn't know how wired. Jasmine is sitting here crying trying to help me, but there isn't much she can do. Burns are burns, once they happen they're there for a while. She got me twice right to the face. "Well I can't go to school now, there is no hiding this. You'll have to go alone." "Okay, I'll be home as soon as the bell rings." she whimpers.

"Jessica, I'm home!" I hear Jasmine call out from the front door. "Coming!" "How was class?" not that I really care, but it's something to talk about. "It was okay I guess, I just wanted to come home. How is your face?" "Looks worse then it is. She left this morning." Which is a good thing because I didn't wanna spend the day with her anyways. Hopefully she will be gone for a few days. "Maybe she'll come back sober!" Jasmine giggles, as she tries to bring light to the situation. "You hungry?" "No, I'll get it myself." I walked back into my room, decided to pick up a bit.

It has been 3 days sense we have heard or seen her. I'm not worried at all that's the bad thing. I can't believe I truly don't care where she is or what the hell she's doing out there. Jasmine doesn't care either. But can you blame us, she hasn't been the best mother. I haven't been to school in 4 days, and now they've sent a note home with Jasmine. "Just let the office know I'm sick." "That's what I told them, they want a note though." "Well let them know it isn't serious enough to go to the doctor, but just enough to disturb classes. I'll send a note tomorrow just remind me."

"Hey Jasmine? Right?" "Umm, yeah?" "Hey, I'm Jacob. Is your sister okay? She hasn't been to class in a while." "Oh, yeah she's sick so she's been out this week." "Oh, well tell her I said hi. Okay?" "Alright I'll let her know." I was standing outside in the front waiting for Jasmine to come home walking. She wasn't walking this time, she was in a full on sprint. "Jessica! 'Jacob said Hi' Why didn't you tell me he was so cute! All you ever said was he watches you sometimes." "Wait what? What are you talking about?" "The guy from class. Tall, brown hair, blue eyes, really cute. Jacob right?" "How do you know about Jacob?" "He said 'Hi,' he came and found me to ask about you." "He asked about me?" Jasmine was right, Jacob is really cute. But I never expected he'd actually pay attention enough to ask about me. "Date him, he seems really nice! And not afraid of crazy." "You're joking right?" I sat on the couch and pondered the thought of Jacob. Me and Jacob? Jacob and I? What? No not possible. I couldn't let him get close, or have the never to hurt him. But he is really really cute. With those amazing eyes, and his brown hair. What am I thinking...it's never going to happen.

"Jessica!" "Holy shit, it's Jacob. He's walking over here...what do I do?" "Talk to him! I meet you at home." "Jasmine no!...Hey Jacob." "Hey, how are you? I see you got a hair cut." "Oh, yeah decided to try something new. Well um...I have to walk home now sorry." "I'll walk you, is that okay?" "Um, no I'll be fine." "C'mon just this once." "Okay fine." We began to walk home, slowly. I could feel my stomach fluttering, as I tried to contain my excitement. We talked the whole way to my house. Not about anything serious, just talked. He's really nice, and has a really great smile. "Is this it?" "Yeah, this is it. I would invite you in, but..." "Hey don't worry about it, see you tomorrow?" "Um, yeah. Tomorrow. Bye, thank you for walking me you really didn't have to." "No problem, I really wanted to. Bye." I didn't even make it completely inside before Jasmine hit me like a monster truck with questions. "So!? What did you talk about? Oh my God he's so cute. Tell me every thing."I can't even begin to explain how it felt to just talk to someone. And he made it so easy. "I think we are going to talk tomorrow too." I tried to hide how excited I was, but he's so cute it's hard. "You like him!" "No I don't. We are just friends, if even that." "Whatever I know you, you were smiling so hard. You like him." She's right I do kind of like him. But again it's never going anywhere. At least I hope not, I'm not trying to get anyone into anything.

"Jessica, can I walk you home today?" "Um, yeah sure." For the 4th day in a row Jacob has walked me home. We've held hands a couple times, it's starting to become something more then it needs to be. I know I should cut him off but I don't want to. My mom hasn't been home in almost 2 weeks, is she dead? Do I care? Jasmine isn't to worried either. Besides all these damned thoughts running laps in my head...all I can seem to think about is what Jacob is doing, if he thinks of me, I shouldn't be pondering this but I can't help it. I'm falling deeper and deeper, I feel like I'm sinking losing myself, while searching for what could be if my life wasn't damned by the actions of my mother. One day I will stand against her, I will fight for a better life, one day.

Jacob and I have been official for almost 2 months now. He makes me feel like I'm worth something, like I'm  fully protected, like nothing could harm me. My mom hasn't been home in 3 months. With her gone, things have been better here. I got a job, both my sister and I are doing well in school, I couldn't ask for a better out come. Part of me believe I should be worried, other half doesn't care. Hoping it stays this way. Jasmine has friends now, everyone can see the real us, there is no shame in hiding or questions to be asked. Life seems almost too good to be true. "Jessica do you work tonight?" "Yes, I do.  Are you having people come over?" "No just me tonight I guess." "Okay I'll be home a little after 11." I don't want to go to work tonight, something just doesn't feel right. I have a feeling something big might happen. I know it's all in my head, but it's one of those feelings you just can't ignore. I'll ignore it for now, I have to.

"Bye Adam have a good night!" Finally time to head home. I still feel the need to rush back, something doesn't feel right about tonight. Something tells me, this is only the beginning of a hectic night. I pull up to the house and don't believe what I see. "Jasmine! Jasmine!" I start yelling, crying, hoping this all a nightmare. "Jessica! Help!" I hear it in her voice, she scared, and I wouldn't blame her. Mom is home, drunk as possible, and on some kinda of drug I can see it. She is angry, irrational. I swing open the door, "STOP!" I can't believe what I'm seeing. "Put it down! What the hell is your problem!" Jasmine is covered in blood, my mom has beat her til she could no longer defend herself. Then I saw it as she turned to face me, she has a gun. It's loaded, it seem like time is passing in slow motion, slow enough for me to realize this might be it. She might win. Jasmine rushed quickly for the gun, struggling, I can see her watching me her eyes screaming for help. But I'm frozen, my feet are stuck, my eyes glazed, and my voice lost in my thoughts. Then the noise wakes me, back to reality.

I see her, lying there, blood soaking into the carpet. Still I can't move, no one is, we are all there frozen. No thoughts running through my head, no more screaming, we are just as motionless as the room around us. I look over to my left, she's just standing there like nothing has happened. I guess we're both in shock. Jasmine drops the gun, "I...I...she..." she fell to her knees, still breathless from everything that just happened. "Jasmine...it's okay, it's over it's all over." I rush over to her, and we both start crying. I reach for my phone and dial 911.

It was all over, we could breath again...